i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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