Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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