I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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