we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
