he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
