He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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