The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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