rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
