Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
