New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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