Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
