Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the day after is always just damage control
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
