He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
