So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
