You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
