The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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