Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
