My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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