Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
