My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
