your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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