can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
where are my eyebrows?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
