i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
