Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
