go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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