I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
