I'm really into asian looking animals
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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