i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hippo gnu deer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
