I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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