Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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