Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
