I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
