I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
