i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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