I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
