The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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