hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
