the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
