i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
