I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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