More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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