I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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