I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
