I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
