my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
