so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
