I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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