she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
