bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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