Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
