I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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