i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
