You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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